Thursday, October 27, 2005
i wasn't too disappointed by my results after all. i'm just disappointed cause i wanted to get into top 5 for class position. and i miss by just a little. grrr. no no no. i shall be happy with my results. cause this just shows how NOT hard i have been working. (: i shall work harder next year. yayy.
i want triple science. GEOG. so much better than history. heh. sigh. i want triple science. wahh. people keep telling me that i will get in. and i keep telling myself that i will not get in. how nice is that. i must have confidence in myself. wahaha.
oh no. i'm getting high. hmm. last day of school tomorrow. so sad. i wanna stay in 2/9!
i don't know what to do now ever since exams finished. i'm wasting every single day. i'm taking afternoon naps every single day. ahh. someone better pull me out of my house. heh.
3 more weeks to hong kong. i don't feel excited at all. as i normally would be at this time. i feel like i'm dreading this trip. sigh. shan't think about it. ahh. i want to go ice skating in hong kong.
i'm tired.
au revoir!
everything depends on how i want to look at it. they might be a good thing after all. (:i want to laugh like how i used to.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:02 AM
Sunday, October 23, 2005
i hate myself.
i hate myself.
i hate myself.
i hate myself.
i hate myself.
ahh. i know. but i really HATE myself.
i shan't even talk about my results. such a disgrace. ahh.
claaar asked me to stay in singapore. she even said please. hmm.
i suddenly forgot what i wanted to type. sigh. forget it. i shall just end here.
au revoir.
i want to complain. i want to cry. but only to myself.who can i trust anyway. sigh.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:53 AM
Monday, October 17, 2005
i think i was having fever this morning. but i still went to school. my head was spinning from beginning of school till school ends. guess that was because i was in the rain the whole time yesterday. and then i went into freezing cold shopping malls.
got back mep results. terribly disappointing. i have a feeling i got the lowest in class. sigh. but i can't do anything about it now. so might as well not think about it.
i nearly got a mental breakdown while we all were in class. that period of time i was practically laughing non-sensically. okay fine. i was forcing myself to laugh. even when something is not funny. so i was like quiet, then became mad, and then i felt like crying. i seriously would have needed to go to mental hospital if i continued like that.
got back english results too. wasn't too bad. at least my hopes weren't that high. so i was quite satisfied with my results. even so, i didn't hit an a. which was quite disappointing too? but my english was never good.
getting back math, chinese and science on wednesday. i don't dare hope for an a already.
au revoir.
i just want to be perfect.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
8:55 AM
Saturday, October 15, 2005
exams are finally over. at least i'm not stressed anymore. and i don't hyperventilate anymore.
sitting in front of the tv for at least 7 hours left me feeling grumpy. sigh. guess i'm just tired.
i don't know what to do with my life now. i'm just wasting every second sitting in front of the tv. nevermind. i shall just find something to do tomorrow.
i don't feel like going out anymore. i don't know what is wrong with me. someone please knock some sense into me.
i better get some rest. getting depressed again. my head is spinning. can't think properly. the result of staring at the tv for 7 hours non-stop.
au revoir.
treasure everything i have now. i still have time. don't wait until i don't and start regretting. sigh. i must remember that.i shall be forgotten. but i won't forget everything.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
11:41 AM
Sunday, October 09, 2005
i knew i shouldn't have switched on the computer. cause once i do, i will be depressed again. there will always be things that make me depressed. sigh.
3 more papers to go. and then i'm free. i don't care if i'm going to do well or not. i just want to get it over and done with.
if my results are really that bad, then i choose to go back to canada and start another new life. well, maybe i will be happier there. without all kind of things that make me depressed here. i am seriously very curious about how life will be, being happy everyday. and not sitting in a corner of a room and think. thinking about how things could have turned out better.
no. i should let things fall into place nicely. people want to stay but they got to leave. i can stay but i want to leave. oh great. i seriously don't know how to treasure things i have now.
i've decided to let eveything go. i'm not going to try to make things better, cause i know they won't. i'm going to learn how to accept the way things are. and there will be no more orange her. that's for lynnette to read. (:
i shall be happy. i shall take things a day at a time. i shall let everything fall into place nicely. i shall not tempt with fate. and i shall make sure i do what i have just said. oh yes. i shall treasure whatever i have now.
okay. i shall just work hard for these three days. make an effort to do well.
au revoir!
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
12:59 AM
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
finally. i've decided to blog.
i screwed my lit up. sigh. no use brooding on it. since it's OVER. there chinese paper 1 tomorrow. i can't write chinese compos! there's where my marks get pulled down.
hmm. i shan't bother about things now. they will fall into place nicely. according to claaar. but what happens if they don't?
just had an amusing conversation with that ruo yu. though i was nearly driven insane. she was practically using caps the whole time. and she actually says things that made me think about. wow.
"must your reaction be like
her"
"you made the same mistake as
her"
this part is where it struck me the most.
"talk about fate"
fate. HAH. the thing that has driven me insane. that i can't even control myself anymore. can't control my emotions. and take all the wonderful things away from me.
i guess i'm accepting things the way they are now. FATE. it's fated that we're not meant to be there for each other.
got to get my sleep. the worst thing to do is to fall asleep in the middle of a paper.
au revoir!
two years. or two years and a half. or four years. or even half a year..LEFT to spend here.jc. high school. university.
vicki the SEXY sunshine loves you!
10:45 AM